I figure I can use this blogging caper as a way to do all those things that have been recommended to me over the years but I've always felt too awkward to do - writing a journal to try to deal with emotional eating (I refuse to use the word "journalling" - journal is a noun, people!) making pros and cons lists, setting goals, etc.
So here we go then.
I am currently Very Fat. Yes, with capital letters. I have not always been fat (although I have always thought I was fat, which probably says a lot about my relationship with food and my body - I look at photos of myself at 21 and gasp at how lithe and slender I was, when I would have sworn to you, hand on heart, that I was chubby). But I have definitely been fat for the last 6-7 years, so I can no longer claim that this is just a little blip, a bit of weight gain I can shed quickly. Fat is my new normal. I won't get into why I got so fat but suffice to say I have the usual common and garden variety emotional eating problems and also have had a history of serious bingeing. Although the bingeing has mainly gone away I haven't been able to shed the habit of eating enormous servings of calorie laden food whenever I'm a bit sad, or bored, or just feel like I deserve it. That's another thing - I also love food - love cooking new things, restaurants, going out to eat. So losing weight all seems a bit insurmountable, even though I must have managed to reconcile it all at one stage (see my former slender 21 year old self).
I have started innumerable diets in my life, and occasionally been successful, so I guess I just have to try to make it stick this time. Part of me has the firm conviction that because I didn't manage to lose weight for my wedding 4 years ago (the whole wedding dress debacle was so painful I can't even look at wedding photos) I will never manage it. Surely everyone loses weight for their wedding - so if that's not enough motivation for me, am I destined to fail?
Anyway, no point dwelling on that. The fact is I am very overweight (I daren't even whisper the word obese but I think technically, that's what I am), I feel so uncomfortable, clothes look awful on me, I am shamefully unfit, and I am miserable. So I can't let that continue.
I didn't dare get on the scales this morning but I know I have to deal with them at some stage. But today I just want to achieve one small goal - stick to my food plan, and do 20 minutes of exercise.
Plan is:
Breakfast - 1 boiled egg and 2 rashers of bacon
Lunch - 1/2 pot Marks and Spencer super green soup, 2 small slices of toast, 30g cheese
Snack - low fat Greek yogurt with 1 teaspoon honey
Dinner - Tofu, mushroom, cabbage stir fry. Possibly made into some kind of roll with rice paper wrappers.
I was going to write "snack - optional" but who am I kidding. And I know I need to be wary of the tendency, in the initial throes of enthusiasm, to keep cutting back and cutting back until I rebel in spectacular fashion)
I've managed to get to midday, breakfast ticked off. Now I just have to hold out.
So here we go then.
I am currently Very Fat. Yes, with capital letters. I have not always been fat (although I have always thought I was fat, which probably says a lot about my relationship with food and my body - I look at photos of myself at 21 and gasp at how lithe and slender I was, when I would have sworn to you, hand on heart, that I was chubby). But I have definitely been fat for the last 6-7 years, so I can no longer claim that this is just a little blip, a bit of weight gain I can shed quickly. Fat is my new normal. I won't get into why I got so fat but suffice to say I have the usual common and garden variety emotional eating problems and also have had a history of serious bingeing. Although the bingeing has mainly gone away I haven't been able to shed the habit of eating enormous servings of calorie laden food whenever I'm a bit sad, or bored, or just feel like I deserve it. That's another thing - I also love food - love cooking new things, restaurants, going out to eat. So losing weight all seems a bit insurmountable, even though I must have managed to reconcile it all at one stage (see my former slender 21 year old self).
I have started innumerable diets in my life, and occasionally been successful, so I guess I just have to try to make it stick this time. Part of me has the firm conviction that because I didn't manage to lose weight for my wedding 4 years ago (the whole wedding dress debacle was so painful I can't even look at wedding photos) I will never manage it. Surely everyone loses weight for their wedding - so if that's not enough motivation for me, am I destined to fail?
Anyway, no point dwelling on that. The fact is I am very overweight (I daren't even whisper the word obese but I think technically, that's what I am), I feel so uncomfortable, clothes look awful on me, I am shamefully unfit, and I am miserable. So I can't let that continue.
I didn't dare get on the scales this morning but I know I have to deal with them at some stage. But today I just want to achieve one small goal - stick to my food plan, and do 20 minutes of exercise.
Plan is:
Breakfast - 1 boiled egg and 2 rashers of bacon
Lunch - 1/2 pot Marks and Spencer super green soup, 2 small slices of toast, 30g cheese
Snack - low fat Greek yogurt with 1 teaspoon honey
Dinner - Tofu, mushroom, cabbage stir fry. Possibly made into some kind of roll with rice paper wrappers.
I was going to write "snack - optional" but who am I kidding. And I know I need to be wary of the tendency, in the initial throes of enthusiasm, to keep cutting back and cutting back until I rebel in spectacular fashion)
I've managed to get to midday, breakfast ticked off. Now I just have to hold out.
No comments:
Post a Comment