The dreaded meal out on Wednesday was more or less what I expected it to be. I didn't really pay too much attention to the dieting bit (especially since it was sharing plates and other people ordered pork belly and spare ribs) but tried not to go too overboard. The half bottle of wine and vodka champagne cocktail was probably a bridge too far... Oops.
The next day, although I got back on track, was pretty wracked with anxiety but I just have to force myself to get back to normalcy ASAP. I guess at the moment the worry is just that I don't know how much I can eat and still lose weight. Maybe a few more consistent weigh ins will give me a better idea of how I'm going with my eating each week. I really want to just get to a place ultimately where food is not so loaded with anxiety and emotion, but I think that will take a long time. I've been thinking to myself recently that for someone who loves food and is overweight I don't actually enjoy meals as much as I should. I'm either fretting over calories and refusing to cook nice things in my enormous cookbook library or I'm bingeing or eating without putting any thought into it, and often on stuff that's a bit rubbish and not satisfying, I would love to get to that middle ground.
Holiday weekend now about to start. I don't actually have a strategy or anything other than to try not to be a complete glutton.
The next day, although I got back on track, was pretty wracked with anxiety but I just have to force myself to get back to normalcy ASAP. I guess at the moment the worry is just that I don't know how much I can eat and still lose weight. Maybe a few more consistent weigh ins will give me a better idea of how I'm going with my eating each week. I really want to just get to a place ultimately where food is not so loaded with anxiety and emotion, but I think that will take a long time. I've been thinking to myself recently that for someone who loves food and is overweight I don't actually enjoy meals as much as I should. I'm either fretting over calories and refusing to cook nice things in my enormous cookbook library or I'm bingeing or eating without putting any thought into it, and often on stuff that's a bit rubbish and not satisfying, I would love to get to that middle ground.
Holiday weekend now about to start. I don't actually have a strategy or anything other than to try not to be a complete glutton.
I agree - it can be so hard to just relax and enjoy good food when it's all so emotionally loaded.
ReplyDeleteDon't be hard on yourself - do the best that you can when you can, but when you're out and about then accept that you have a limited amount of control and just try to enjoy it - you've done exactly the right thing by getting back on track straight away. It's all a learning process.
It's a lot easier said than done, but I have genuinely found that being a bit more relaxed about dieting (which is to say not putting particular time pressures on myself, choosing not to try and count during meals out and weekends away) I'm less likely to go from one extreme to the other. As you say, perhaps a few weigh ins will help you get a bit more peace of mind.
Enjoy your weekend!
Sx