It's so hard to tell people I want to lose weight. Everything I've read suggests telling people = accountability = higher chance of success, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm too ashamed. It's as though if I told people I was on a diet it would be an acknowledgment of how fat I am now. It's not as though they can't see perfectly well for themselves, but part of me feels a bit like some defenceless creature trying to escape a predator - don't make any sudden movements, don't do or say anything, and they won't know you're here.
When I was much lighter, I would happily talk about weight loss. It was fine if I only needed to lose 5 or 10 kilos. But now it's more like 25 or 30 kilos, I'm too embarrassed to address it. Whenever people mention weight loss themselves, I just freeze up and hope the conversation moves on, assuming they must all be thinking to themselves how I'm the one who really needs to lose some weight.
Yesterday at lunch I told my friend I didn't want to share her chips and mayonnaise "because it was too hot" (although I did in fact end up eating some) and that I got my salad dressing on the side "because I'm fussy about salads". I also said I was going to bring my own diet drinks to the party tomorrow night "because I'm cutting out sugar for a couple of weeks". All completely absurd subterfuges, but I just can't bring myself to tell anyone.
Foodwise was fine yesterday, even with the small handful of chips I ate. Today and tonight will be a bit of a challenge but as I said, I'll be bringing my own diet mixers to have with alcohol and carefully track how many drinks I'm having. Food will be difficult. I think on days like this I'm just going to aim for a maintenance level of calories, which is more realistic. Trying to keep it low in calories during the day, with smoked salmon on toast for breakfast and an almost Niçoise salad (minus the tuna and the potato) for lunch. Plus a long walk in the afternoon.
I still haven't weighed myself. I actually had every intention of doing it this morning but then I forgot and ate breakfast and had cups of tea, so now I don't want to do it. Silly, but I want to be weighed first thing in the morning on an empty stomach to try to get the lowest number possible...
When I was much lighter, I would happily talk about weight loss. It was fine if I only needed to lose 5 or 10 kilos. But now it's more like 25 or 30 kilos, I'm too embarrassed to address it. Whenever people mention weight loss themselves, I just freeze up and hope the conversation moves on, assuming they must all be thinking to themselves how I'm the one who really needs to lose some weight.
Yesterday at lunch I told my friend I didn't want to share her chips and mayonnaise "because it was too hot" (although I did in fact end up eating some) and that I got my salad dressing on the side "because I'm fussy about salads". I also said I was going to bring my own diet drinks to the party tomorrow night "because I'm cutting out sugar for a couple of weeks". All completely absurd subterfuges, but I just can't bring myself to tell anyone.
Foodwise was fine yesterday, even with the small handful of chips I ate. Today and tonight will be a bit of a challenge but as I said, I'll be bringing my own diet mixers to have with alcohol and carefully track how many drinks I'm having. Food will be difficult. I think on days like this I'm just going to aim for a maintenance level of calories, which is more realistic. Trying to keep it low in calories during the day, with smoked salmon on toast for breakfast and an almost Niçoise salad (minus the tuna and the potato) for lunch. Plus a long walk in the afternoon.
I still haven't weighed myself. I actually had every intention of doing it this morning but then I forgot and ate breakfast and had cups of tea, so now I don't want to do it. Silly, but I want to be weighed first thing in the morning on an empty stomach to try to get the lowest number possible...
No comments:
Post a Comment