I've managed to keep to my plan for 3 days in a row now, if you can count today, which included a meal out, and therefore aiming for maintenance calories rather than weight loss calories. Still! I kept it together, I didn't eat too much, and I only had one glass of wine - although I did have a few spoonfuls from other peoples desserts, which they pushed on me - not an exculpation of my responsibility, but I did think that if they all knew I was trying to lose weight they probably wouldn't be so forceful. Still, the idea of telling them I'm dieting is unbearable. Too big an admission of my own flaws and self hatred, too great a risk I'll fail and embarrass myself.
In fact, there was a discussion of weight loss at the table this evening, since two of them are doing the 5:2 intermittent fasting, and one of them was expressing an interest in it since she said she's gained weight recently, and she also wants her husband to get a bit healthier. It was all I could do not to melt into the floor in embarrassment - surely they're all thinking, even if in a non-judgmental, involuntary way, "god, SHE could really stand to lose a few pounds!". It just felt like the elephant in the room - or more accurately, I felt like the elephant in the room. These people, I hasten to add, do not remotely need to lose weight. They're skinny, skinny women, the largest perhaps is a size 8 at most, I'm guessing. Meanwhile, in desperation trying to find something to wear tonight, I had to resort to old suit skirt in a size 16 and it was definitely snugger than it was 6 months ago. A depressing realisation, when I'd been beginning to get a bit of diet momentum back.
Even though I said at the beginning of all this that I couldn't do any faddish, restrictive diets, I am tempted by this 5:2 thing, or even a variation of, just to give myself a bit more of a buffer for meals out, and occasional tumbles off the wagon. Perhaps even just try to have one day a week where I aim for fewer than 1000 calories?
In fact, there was a discussion of weight loss at the table this evening, since two of them are doing the 5:2 intermittent fasting, and one of them was expressing an interest in it since she said she's gained weight recently, and she also wants her husband to get a bit healthier. It was all I could do not to melt into the floor in embarrassment - surely they're all thinking, even if in a non-judgmental, involuntary way, "god, SHE could really stand to lose a few pounds!". It just felt like the elephant in the room - or more accurately, I felt like the elephant in the room. These people, I hasten to add, do not remotely need to lose weight. They're skinny, skinny women, the largest perhaps is a size 8 at most, I'm guessing. Meanwhile, in desperation trying to find something to wear tonight, I had to resort to old suit skirt in a size 16 and it was definitely snugger than it was 6 months ago. A depressing realisation, when I'd been beginning to get a bit of diet momentum back.
Even though I said at the beginning of all this that I couldn't do any faddish, restrictive diets, I am tempted by this 5:2 thing, or even a variation of, just to give myself a bit more of a buffer for meals out, and occasional tumbles off the wagon. Perhaps even just try to have one day a week where I aim for fewer than 1000 calories?
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