Progress of a sort

On Saturday I finally got back to the weight I was more than a month ago, before my tumble off the wagon. I felt pretty good about that, and only had to tamp down a moderate amount of annoyance at myself for backsliding in the first place. But then yesterday we had plans to go out for both lunch and dinner and I didn't do too well at either of them. Waaay too many carbs and calories.

I'm trying hard to just draw a line under it and move on, because I know, I KNOW, it's so hard to do well if I'm too busy hating myself. Counterintuitive though it may be, it really is easier to make changes if I'm happy enough with myself already.

Goals for the week - 1 fast day, and no self-loathing, and much positive thinking. 

Adrift

I feel a bit lost at the moment. I've been trucking along in a very inconsistent fashion. Some days, especially on social occasions, I go way over calories. Other days I'm counting. I tried to do a fast day on Monday but didn't quite manage to stick to 500, and got to 720 calories instead.

I did weigh myself last week and I was down 6 pounds which makes me think the previous weigh in was a bit of an anomaly due to water weight or something. So it's not as bad as I thought, but still 4 pounds up which is annoying.

I just can't seem to get into a groove. I keep changing my mind about whether I should do low carb or not, and if so, how strictly, and how many calories I should be aiming for, or if I should even count calories at all. Or only count some of the time, as I've done this week.

I'm also torn between wanting to be really strict and knuckle down before my US holiday (6 weeks away) or try to be more moderate and avoid a sudden crash and burn loss of momentum.

I'm weighing myself next on Saturday so I guess I'll reassess then.

I've written here before about not really feeling like I've found my people. I have friends here, but the people I'm closest to and I like the best all live in other cities. It's lonely. And it's been particularly obvious of late because my friends here have become obsessed with health and fitness and weight loss. One girl, formerly a size 8, now size 4-6, talks constantly about it with our other 2 friends, size 4 and 6 respectively. I can't really join in the conversation because I don't go to their exercise classes and I feel too embarrassed to discuss weight (one admitted recently to another that she used to weigh herself 2-3 times a day. I also do not want to be reminded of that kind of disordered obsession which has never helped me in the past). And I would find such discussion tedious in the extreme at the best of times, but when I'm sitting near them a size 16-18, it's also so fucking awkward! They don't tend to include me in the conversation which I don't if it feels better or worse, but either way, hanging out with them recently has been both highly embarrassing and highly boring.

Maybe I need new friends.

Quite an achievement

Not a good one, though.
Since travelling for work for some reason I've found it impossible to get back on track. I even had a plan and everything, to stick to low carb for a couple of days and worry less about calories, then ease back into it. I couldn't manage that either! Anyway, the upshot is that in 3 weeks I've put on 10 pounds. TEN POUNDS! Jesus wept.
I guess the good news is that today I sucked it up and got on the scale to discover this appalling fact, so perhaps that will give me the kick up the (ample) behind I need to start again. What a fucking pain though. And how bloody tedious and predictable of me.
I am determined to get rid of this ASAP and get back on track. Watch this space...