Planning panic

One of the things I hate about dieting is the way it makes me so inflexible. I have to plan my weeks so carefully, taking into account any social activities, and although I am determined not to let it negatively impact my social life, the fact is, having no plans makes it much easier to stay on plan, as it were.

This week I was planning to do my fast days on Monday and Thursday as usual but a friend is unexpectedly in town Thursday so we're going out to lunch. I can't fast Friday as I have other lunch plans, plus another birthday lunch on Saturday AND Sunday. All of this is enough to send me into a tailspin. So I'll have to fast tomorrow, but it means my planned meals are out the window and I usually like to have my fast days organised with military like precision well in advance. 

Anyway, it isn't a big deal - or rather, it shouldn't be a big deal, but it is. Four social occasions in a row and an unscheduled fast day are making me quite anxious. And I hate that the normal vicissitudes and indeed pleasures of life have become so anxiety ridden for me. More so than before, as now I have to deal with fat girl wardrobe freak out AND trying to diet while dining out freak out.

Oh well. I guess it's good news that I'm keeping on trucking.

Plodding on

Sadly, after a week of brilliant dieting, I plummeted into a calorie and self loathing free fall, the cause of which is still quite mysterious to me. The less said about it the better, but I do think it's probably not unrelated to my mood generally, so I'm going to have to do something about that.

We had a weekend away with friends this week which I wish I could have just enjoyed but was, frankly, ruined by the intense feelings of self consciousness that dogged me. It doesn't help that my friends are all SO thin. Short shorts and minidresses and backless tops galore, and I felt downright repellent in my enormous jeans and baggy tops. Seeing myself in photos with them is torturous.

Anyway, I managed to get back on track today with a fast day. Raw zucchini, beetroot, spinach and feta salad for lunch; seared salmon with miso vegetables for dinner. 

On Saturday week we're going out to lunch for a friend's birthday; I'm hoping that by then I'll at least feel as though I've made a dent in things. My larger goal is to get down 8 or so kilos by the time we go away at the beginning of July for a friend's wedding. It won't come close to bringing me to an acceptable weight but surely a bit of difference might stop me feeling as horrendous as I did this last weekend.